Wolf Love

**I woke up in the  middle of the night and for some reason this came to me. I don't know why I titled it "WOLF LOVE" but perhaps in time when I work on this piece again, all the puzzle pieces will fit.Don't mind all the errors I didn't even read over everything. Hope you enjoy it!

While I lay in bed waiting for sleep to overcome me, I had the sudden urge to yell out in frustration. I struggled to hold in every ounce of irritation eating away at my very sanity and in doing so ended up flying one of my pillows.


The pillow hit my bookshelf knocking over the frames and whatever else I had put on there earlier. I didn’t care about the mess I had just made, I didn’t care whether or not it was two in the morning and I still had yet to sleep, I just needed to do something, anything.

I just needed to get away.

I sat up in bed staring out of my window. The moon was peeking from behind the clouds which blocked its partial view from me. The night looked beautiful even though there was a storm and most of the stars were covered by the clouds that littered the sky.

I looked up towards the heavens while my frustration rocked back and forth inside of me. The confusion and anger stirred up mixed emotions and I felt as if it wanted to claw itself out of my body.

With my knees pressed up against my chest, I lay my forehead on them rocking back and forth hoping something could calm down all the madness that was fighting inside of me. Hoping that I could feel the comfort of his arms around my body because I missed him, I missed him terribly.

I knew there was nothing I could do to get him back, nothing I could do to have him here by my side because he was gone. He had taken off afraid of the secret he had enforced on my life, thinking I would regret the very feelings I had grown for him over the time we had spent together.

There have been a few moments in my life up until this point where I have found my life unsatisfying. Those moments didn’t compare to what I felt now. I sat up with a sickening feeling in my gut while I reached under my bed and pulled out bag. I reached into the bag and pulled out its contents.

The unsatisfying feeling returned when the rope which was now wrapped around my hand was in full view. The thought of slipping my head through the loop, which I must add was the perfect size, made my stomach churn. I stared at the rope, twirling the fibers between my fingers wondering why?

Death is inevitable. It’s the only constant thing in life. You can’t cheat death, you can’t decide when, where, or even how you want to die. Things just happen. Whether it’s a physical death or an internal death, a person, animal, or even a “thing” still reaches death at some point in life and I was ninety-six percent sure I wanted this to be mine.

The Breaking Point (Snippet)

Dear Readers,
The inspiration and reason behind this story can be found here on my Liberating Chasidy blog.

......

It was never my intention to lead anyone on nor did I think by being nice to someone, it would mean I was interested in him, any man for that matter as more than friends. I never once thought after I told a guy "things weren't working out" or "I only want to be friends" he was going throw such a hissy fit over the fact I "broke" his heart. But as I stood here listening to my brother go on and on about how this man thinks I'm "good for nothing" or that I "don't do shit", I feel my blood slowly heating up. So slow I can feel it working its way inch by inch through my body.

I rarely lose my anger let alone let these sort of issues bother me. I've always been the type of woman who tries to take the high road with most things in life but for some reason with this, I just can't seem to do it.

I hear my brother talking. I feel my blood rushing through me. I feel... my body heating up and know soon I will either have to walk away or I will definately explode. The thing is, I don't think I can even move. There's a part of me which thinks I'm too far gone. There is no way I can let my anger subside because it's too much for me handle.

"Enough", I whisper.

My brother doesn't hear me. I repeat myself louder this time and he starts to notice I am not a happy camper. I try to walk away from where we're standing in the mall but my brother grabs my arm before I can get away. I pull and tug trying to get his grip to loosen but he doesn't budge and before I know it, tears start to fall from my eyes.

For a while I am embarrased that anyone, let alone my brother, sees my weekness. As time trickles by like sand in a hourglass, I snap. My anger building so quickly, so fast, I have no idea what's going to happen or what's going on for that matter. I give one last hard tug from my brother's grip and I finally manage to get loose. I run as fast as I can to the nearest exit pulling my cellphone out of my pocket while trying to get my legs to move faster.

I need to make a call. That's the only thing I can think of. Call Him.

It had been several months since he and I last spoke. He who must remain nameless.

I never thought I would be counting on him to do a favor for me. I knew the price he would be asking for would be steep. But at that moment, when my anger was more important to me than life itself, I didn't care. What I wanted, I would get. Whatever I needed to do, whatever He needed me to do, I would. Because this, this was it. The last straw. That last stitch holding in all my emotions had finally broken.... And I was free. I was sick of this man who thought to throw all his low confidence bullshit crap on me. Sick of men in general. Sick of all men but one.

Beware all! For I have finally broken the seal and I will get my revenge.

As that thought slowly circled my brain,  I continued to run for the nearest exit, I heard the other end of the line pick up.  My heart racing, anticipating his voice.

"Mi Amor. It has been a while." His voice rushing over me like soft velvet. My heart clenching, Memories of the past rushing back to me as if it were yesterday. Yes, oh yes. He was the right person to call. For him, I would do anything. For him, I would give my life.

As I saw the exit sign a few yards ahead, I told him what I promised myself I would never do. Not ever again. I spoke to him the four words that would change everything...

"I need your help."

The Payback (snippet)

December 1998



I stood in the darkened shadows of the girls locker room staring. I was just staring at that treacherous bitch putting her lips all over my so called boyfriend. Her hands rubbing all over his body like she owned him slowly inching down toward his pants.

God, how pathetic could either of them be? Working each other over like a dog whose been starving for days and finally got a bone to chew on.

John Baker, all-star athlete and varsity football captain had his hand twisted into that bitch, Janie Low’s beach blonde hair yanking it back so that a moan could escape those lips of hers. Her head fell back letting his lips trail the side of her neck. John looked like he was totally into it grinding his hard on against her. A smile and eyes filled with lust covered his face. That rancid bastard!

Red. That’s the only color I could see. I closed my eyes to let those whores do their business. I left them to enjoy their company with each other. I left them to do what they pleased. What else was I to do? Run in there and make a fool of myself. Yell at Janie for being such a great friend or maybe at John for being such a faithful boyfriend? Whatever the cause may be one thing’s for sure. I will get them back, both of them, even if it took years.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

I opened my eyes and saw John undressing her. First her super thin tank top that could fit a baby and next a mini skirt short enough to called a rag with the amount of material used. One word came to mind. Whore. She wore a black g-string that barely covered anything. She might as well have worn nothing No big deal though, Janie knew what she was. She loved the attention. She adored the way men looked at her and the fact she slept with more than half of them made her feel like a queen. When John unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down a little to free his erection I just about screamed out in frustration as they began having sex.

I left knowing very well that pay back was surely a bitch. Janie Low better watch her back I thought as I walked to my car. No more. There is no way in hell I’m letting her get away with this crap.